My Kart Is Augmented
Not unlocked yetBuy an upgrade. Good thing you old types like a bit of DIY, eh?
We Can Rebuild Him
Not unlocked yetFully upgrade a single kart aspect, putting the younger generation and their custom cars to shame with your far superior experience in craftsmanship. And less body kits.
Million Dollar Granddad
Not unlocked yetFully upgrade your kart, showing your grandkids the money they could have had if they were nicer.
GrimAced
Not unlocked yetWin your first race, proving that old people everywhere actually can drive at a moderate pace.
During The War...
Not unlocked yetRun over an opponent’s fallen body, adding insult to an already pretty painful injury. You monster.
Technophobic
Not unlocked yetUse an EMP 20 times successfully - who says old people can’t use technology? You do, apparently.
Feeling Lucky?
Not unlocked yetHose 20 oldies with the Uzi. The world’s slowest police chase is going to star you, you criminal.
Am I Missing An Eyebrow?
Not unlocked yetExpertly explode 20 pensioners with the use of a rocket, causing mass havoc and outcry from the Royal Aeronautical Society.
Slick Moves Like Jagger
Not unlocked yetSlip up 20 people’s Sunday drive with some oil, making you no better than the young’ins who litter, you hypocrite.
Luckily My Shield Will Protect Me
Not unlocked yetSuccessfully use a shield to block 20 horrible whippersnapper’s attacks against your innocent old self.
Gone In Many Seconds
Not unlocked yetBoost without hurtling far off course and crashing too horribly into the scenery 20 times.
He Was A Skater Boy
Not unlocked yetKeyword being was. Knock 5 skaters off the road.
Paperboy The Hard Way
Not unlocked yetRun over 5 bikers. We know that drivers hate them, but you’re in mobility scooters! That’s just nasty.
Death Defier
Not unlocked yetGet gold in all races in the village, telling Grim he’s not having your soul tonight.
Death Derider
Not unlocked yetGet gold in all races in the town, insulting Grim’s efficiency by evading his grasp twice now.
Death Despiser
Not unlocked yetGet gold in all races in the farm, making Grim REALLY want your soul now.
Death Defiler
Not unlocked yetGet gold in all races in the graveyard, ruining Grim’s happy place.
Death Decider
Not unlocked yetGet gold in all races in the showdown, winning your fate and telling Grim to stop harassing old people all over the world.
Casting your net
Not unlocked yetWin a single network multiplayer race, your first step to world domination.
Silver Surfer
Not unlocked yetTake your online points total past 10, proving that old people and the Internet isn’t a disaster waiting to happen.
Worldly Wise Whiz
Not unlocked yetAmass over 50 points online, it’s what Tim Berners-Lee would have wanted.
Snatch me if you can
Not unlocked yetSnatch an item off an opponent in Snatch game mode. What has society come to!
Double, double toil and trouble
Not unlocked yetGet a Snatch Item pair for double points and bragging rights down at the bingo club.
Sweep
Not unlocked yetGet 1 Crazy Granddad item. You are cleaning up this town. Somebody has to. You’re just doing it really slowly.