I'm afraid I just blue myself!
Not unlocked yetCommit suicide.
Get a girlfriend
Not unlocked yetComplete the game.
Half-mast hard-on
Not unlocked yetComplete level 10.
From my cold, dead hands
Not unlocked yetComplete a level with less than 10 health.
Dirty knees
Not unlocked yetDuck under a rocket.
Sissy
Not unlocked yetEnable cheats.
NOPE! Chuck Testa.
Not unlocked yetFight an ostrich.
Bulletstorm
Not unlocked yetFire 1,000,000 bullets.
The Hell's Fargo Wagon
Not unlocked yetFirebomb the band.
Peter North would be proud
Not unlocked yetHit 100,000 targets.
Patrick Bateman
Not unlocked yetMake 100 kills.
Dexter
Not unlocked yetMake 1000 kills.
Mickey and Mallory
Not unlocked yetMake 10000 kills.
Never nude-ist
Not unlocked yetKill a naked person.
Z for Zachariah
Not unlocked yetComplete the game having killed everything.
And so it begins...
Not unlocked yetMake your first kill.
Boondock Saint
Not unlocked yetComplete the game without letting any non-hostile NPCs die
How Kevorkian!
Not unlocked yetPerform your first execution.
Ballmer Baller
Not unlocked yetPlay the Mac or Linux version of the game.
Took a banger in the mouth
Not unlocked yetTake a rocket to the face.
Forrest Gump
Not unlocked yetRun for 5 minutes.
Oh, you press F1!
Not unlocked yetStart the second level.
Holes is holes
Not unlocked yetTake 10,000 hits.
Bad touch!
Not unlocked yetTouch someone while burning.