It's like you're doing this whole thing in slow motion.

You've always loved this poem; would have been great if it worked.

Help arrived when you called; you've got friends.

Your pop culture quotes are almost as over the top as Jules's.

You wonder if any of the pro-supernatural activists are looking into mental health for vampires.

Yeah, that's not going to get fixed.

At least you don't have a beard.

You have a fine career ahead of you as an old sailing days reenactor.

Your hours on the internet reading slashfic have finally been put to good use.

You survived being bitten by a werewolf without becoming one yourself.