Sign him up for the Knicks!
Not unlocked yetScore a basketball goal
A bomb?
Not unlocked yetGet killed by the suicide droid
Surgeon General's Warning
Not unlocked yetIgnore the surgeon general, as well as common sense
Old School
Not unlocked yetUnlock the bonus mini-games
Homer's Odyssey
Not unlocked yetAnd and eat every donut
Smashed
Not unlocked yetDon't drink responsibly
Mission Successful
Not unlocked yetFly the Xanadu back to Earth
No New Mail
Not unlocked yetRead every e-mail
Trumpet-Major
Not unlocked yetExperience an attack of flatulence
Impulse 101
Not unlocked yetObtain every weapon
Balls of Steel
Not unlocked yetBeat the game without dying
The King of the Dead
Not unlocked yetBecome king of the zombies
Audiophile
Not unlocked yetObtain every audiolog
Murderer
Not unlocked yet
Bibliophile
Not unlocked yetObtain every page
Xanadu Book Club
Not unlocked yetFind and read "The Unusual Death of Governor Li"
Ruined Breakfast
Not unlocked yetSabotage your breakfast
Silver Shower
Not unlocked yetDestroy a robot with the showers
Speedrunner
Not unlocked yet
Killing Spree
Not unlocked yetDestroy 3 enemies in 2 seconds or less
Sacrifice
Not unlocked yet
The Other Half
Not unlocked yet
Scanners
Not unlocked yetScan the Xanadu with the Survey Bot
Please put your seats in the upright position
Not unlocked yetPlace every toilet seat up