You have managed not only to win the election, but take a majority of the entire electorate with you, leaving no doubt that you are this country's legitimate leader.

A narrow victory. By just squeaking past the point needed for re-election you have managed to retain power, but are widely seen as a divisive leader.

Religion has been all but wiped from our country, leaving a society that believes in science, technology and evidence, rather than faith in religious text.

You have managed to preside over an unpallalled period of high educational achievement and turned this nation into the worlds intelligentsia. Congratulations!

Everywhere our people go, we have them under observation. We see and hear everything. Remember citizen, you have nothing to fear…

You have managed to second-guess your policy decisions so many times that the electorate are accusing you of being the 'flip-flop' politician. Perhaps you should be more decisive in future?

Who says equality is a bad thing? You have driven a wedge the size of a football stadium between the haves and the have nots. Congratulations.

It is a sort of modern miracle that we have managed to create a society so poorly educated and yet somehow it still functions.

Who needs cities and technology anyway, when you can have the majority of your citizens out in the fields doing an honest days toil?

Forget the illuminati, say hello to the inebriati! The whole country enjoys a drink now and then, or in fact...all the time!

Other countries may look at narcotics as a threat, but congratulations you have seen them for what they are...a very lucrative source of government income.

A wise man once said that society can never have enough people in uniform carrying guns. And it looks like you took those words very seriously indeed.

There really is no room for friends at the top of government, and your constant dismissal of ministers shows you take that attitude to heart.

Sometimes its not how much the economy is growing, but how steadily it ticks alonmg that makes all the difference. Congratulations on overseeing such stability.

There are people who claim to be patriots, then there are patriots, and then there are true patriots like yourself. All stand to salute our glorious flag!

Ok, so we have built a country that is massively dependent on oil, some may see that as bad, but its definitely an achievement of some sort.

They say its important to stick to what you do best, and looking at our economy, we grow food and export it better than anything else. Bananas for Lunch!

It takes a special kind of dull leadership technique to energize as few of the electorate as you do. Congratulations on driving apathy to record levels!